You need to find and fix yourself before you are at the level of peace i am at. thats my first and only priority when it comes to whatever our relationship is. I've healed and come back from being broken. I am not the guy you came back to 5 years ago. I am a lot closer to the boy that you knew 24 years ago. thats who you need to me to be. I'm always going to be here and an option but i need you healed and not responding to the world the way you do for us to be fixed. i know the things i choose to give up waiting on an answer but there is still a timeline and a moment out there, I'm just waiting for you to be ready. its our moment, not mine and not yours and it cant be forced. I don't know where things are headed but i liked talkig tonight and you maybe have you being honest for once. but i know that regardless at some point in the next year i will keep my word. i'm just looking for some more options for that.
I like being big and bad. i like being intimidating to people. its like a suit of armor the same as my leather jacket is. people advoid me. Thats the perfect eay things should be. I like that people fear me. I'm both happy and sad that the people i intimidate and cause to fear me includes you, you've seen all sides of me and you have given yourself reasons to fear me. sadly while i understand i have never given you a damn reason to. the same hand that could be a weapon is also the hand that protects. But thats a comfort reserved for only when you need it, never when i fuckin do. thats the rules of engangement, thats how it fucking works. never the protector, except when you need someone bigger and badder in your life than the scary people who you surround yourself with. It's good that I'm that person. at least finally for once, i know exactly where i stand. I moved on. you didn't. thats the saddest battle of our war. you destroyed the little bit of happiness i had